


Gridlock

by astrologiix



Category: League of Legends
Genre: Alter!Rhaast, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Dissociative Identity Disorder, F/M, Fluff, Getting Together, Slow Burn, Wet Dream, soft kayn, split personality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-04-08 12:13:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14105142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrologiix/pseuds/astrologiix
Summary: Kayn and Zoe are in their second year of college, drawn together by their common loneliness despite all differences.Feat. Zoe being clueless and Kayn being in denial





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Zoyn Shit](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/449402) by the-faequeen. 



> This is my first like,,, serious fanfic i guess so i hope you like it.

"So, I finally asked his name, and it turns out it's Ezreal! Cool, right? It kinda feels bubbly on your tongue," Zoe giggled and poked Kayn's shoulder. "Hey, are you listening?"

He grunted in response. She huffed.

"Well, _anyways_ , we have a group project in bio coming up and I'll be able to watch him present his research in front on the whole class," she sighed wistfully.

"Why not just be in his group?" Kayn said, not looking up from his work.

Zoe looked appalled. "Are you kidding?! I can't just ask a boy a question like that, he might think that I... I... _like_ him!"

"Don't you?"

"No! I mean, maybe? How do I tell?"

Kayn looked up suddenly and shifted in his seat, suddenly uncomfortable. Zoe watched him with wide eyes and leaned forward until she was inches from his face. Kayn recoiled and looked back down as a slight blush spread over his face.

"I'm not really the person to ask," he replied quietly. Zoe blinked quickly, surprised by his sudden change in tone.

"You sound funny," she stated and poked his cheek playfully. He swatted her hand away.

"I do _not_ ," he growled. She giggled and snaked a hand past him to poke his stomach, causing him to jerk backwards in the seat and draw a line of pen across his meticulous notes.

"Do too!"

He gritted his teeth as Zoe and back at his notes. "Zoe, _enough_ ," he hissed and dropped his notebook into his bag, slinging it across his shoulder before storming out of the empty library.

Zoe rolled her eyes. "Grumpy pants," she muttered, but a knot of guilt festered in her stomach, threatening to spoil her perfect day. "Whatever, it's not my fault he has a stick up his butt."

Having convinced herself his anger was none of her fault, she moved on to more important things: Ezreal and whether or not she likes him. With a newfound determination, she decides to do some research into the practice of "liking someone."

\---

Kayn slammed his pencil onto the desk, a tired scowl coloring his features as he leaned back in his dorm room chair and glared at the white ceiling as if challenging it to make his day any worse. Worse than Zoe had already managed to make it. He felt a quiet scratching at the back of his mind.

"What do you want?" He said through gritted teeth. As if in reply, he felt a new presence bubble to the forefront of his mind.

 _You care about her_ , a voice stated, seeming to echo throughout Kayn's mind.

"Rhaast, you know more than anyone that 'caring' is not something I do. The brat just won't leave me alone."

Kayn flopped onto his bed and fiddled with his laces, letting his boots fall to the ground below. They landed with a gentle thud, causing a cloud of dust to be released from the thick carpet. It had been a while since he'd slept here...

 _Mhmm_ , Rhaast hummed in response. _So, when she was talking about Ezreal..._

"I was just... unapproving of her decision."

 _Not jealous at all of course. Not the mighty "Shadow Reaper,"_ Rhaast said mockingly and Kayn could almost feel him rolling his eyes.

"You can believe what you wish, but I am telling you there is nothing between me and Zoe," Kayn said firmly just as a serious of quick, loud knocks filled the room.

"Kaynnnnnn!!!"

Kayn buried his head in his hands as Zoe's voice penetrated the air.

 _Don't keep the lady waiting_ , Rhaast said, smirking obnoxiously.

Kayn stomped to the door in response, throwing it open and glaring at the small figure outside his door with narrowed red eyes. Zoe smiled up at him, unperturbed and ducked under his arm into the dorm.

"Wow! I've never been in here before!" She said, flitting around the small room faster than a human ought to, picking up and inspecting every object in sight.

"Ahhh! The limited edition figurine!" She exclaimed, holding up a meticulously crafted Jigoku Shoujo figurine for Kayn to see.

"Yes, Zoe, I know." He said, taking it out of her hand and putting it back down where it belonged on his desk. She continued on her journey, humming a cheerful tune as she explored the dorm, eventually jumping up onto the bed and sprawling across it. Kayn looked away, feeling uncomfortable watching her lay on his bed. He cleared his throat.

"So, what do you need?" She bolted upright, eyes bright.

"Oh yeah! I came to talk to you about being in love!"

Kayn's heart skipped a beat.

 _Careful Kayn... your human's showing_ , Rhaast teased. Kayn cleared his throat again and fidgeted, uncertain what to do with his body. Zoe watched his confusion in oblivious amusement.

"I thought I already told you I'm not the person to ask."

"Well, yeah, but I did some research-"

"Research?" Kayn raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah! I needed information so I conducted a survey," Zoe said proudly. "I learned a lot about liking someone and I wanted to talk about it with you, since obviously you don't know anything about it either!"

Rhaast burst into laughter as Kayn found himself at a loss for words.

"Shut up," he growled.

"What?"

Oh, this is just too good, Rhaast said.

"Nothing," Kayn sighed. "Okay, so tell me what you learned."

Zoe perked up immediately and fetched a small laptop out of a bag Kayn hadn't even noticed was there, probably covered by her hair. Her bracelets jingled as she flipped the pages, her tongue out slightly in concentration. It was kinda... no. Kayn shook his head to clear the thoughts and waited patiently for Zoe to find her survey notes.

"Aha! Drum roll please!!! I present to you: The Survey!" She held up a page of her notebook proudly, covered in short phrases and doodles, a complete opposite of Kayn's structured and organized note taking. A smile on her face, Zoe began.

"Here we go, subject one described liking someone as 'wanting to bang the ever loving fuck out of them until they're a sloppy, wriggling mess'-"

"What?"

Zoe paused, putting a finger to her lips and furrowing her brows. "Yeah, I'm not really sure what that means, but I don't think I want to beat up Ezreal..."

Kayn blinked twice before he realized Zoe had no idea what "banging" someone actually meant. He groaned. This was going to be a long night. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kayn explains love. Zoe shook.

"And that was the results from all 54 subjects!" Zoe said after having talked for an hour straight. Kayn's head was resting on his hands, staring incredulously at Zoe. All she had gained from her survey was a mediocre collection of pick up lines, a lengthy explanation on boob sizes, several porn links, one girl's nonsensical rambling about celebrity crushes, and one rick roll.

"Zoe, none of that even remotely describes being in love," Kayn sighed. Zoe looked up from her notebook, perplexed and tilted her head to one side.

"It doesn't?"

"No, love is a feeling. It's more... abstract," Kayn tried to explain. She scrunched her nose in confusion, and then suddenly lit up.

"Like a brain freeze!"

"No! Well, maybe. I don't know. Being in love is something you can't really put into words. It's just a bunch of stupid stuff lumped together to make a pointless emotion."

"When you put it like that, it doesn't sound very nice." Zoe put her notebook to the side and leaned up against the wall.

"It's just not for me."

"Why not?"

"It's just... not, okay? I'm not good with people," he said. She hummed, considering his words.

"If it's anything like you're saying, then it's not really something you can control."

Zoe's sudden philosophical musings caught Kayn off guard and he watched her with curiosity as she stared at the posters on his wall, deep in thought.

He didn't know how long he had been staring, but when she refocused on the world around her, he was still gazing at her small figure on his bed.

"Can you _try_ and explain it?" Zoe asked, and Kayn opened his mouth to disagree, but something in her eyes stopped him and he nodded slightly.

"Uh... it's like... when you want to be around someone because they make you happy, or a better person, or because you're sad or lonely when they aren't around. It's when they keep randomly popping into your mind or when they're the first thing you think of when you wake up or the last thing you think of when you go to bed. You can trust them with anything and believe that they'll do whatever they can to keep you happy..." Kayn trailed off, realizing Zoe was looking at him with her mouth hanging wide open and a twinkle in her eye.

"What?" He asked gruffly, embarrassment creeping up his spine. He hadn't meant to get that into the subject. Where did half of that even come from? He didn't know anything about love.

"I've never heard you talk like that," she waved her arms to illustrate and Kayn snorted in amusement at her flailing. "You got all sappy."

"And _that's_ the last time I'll ever be helping you," he said, annoyed she picked up on his random spurt of emotional vulnerability.

"Aw, no, come on, you were super helpful! You can be like... my love guru!"

Kayn groaned. _This_ is the thanks he gets?

"I would rather not."

"No, no, just imagine it! Kayn and Zoe! A ragtag team navigating the world of love! It's the greatest quest this world has to offer!"

Kayn couldn't help but smile a little at the enthusiasm Zoe had to offer. She continued babbling on like that for a bit as he watched, amused and entertained by her excitement about something so insignificant to him.

 _Insignificant my ass_ , Rhaast butted in. _You've been so wrapped up in watching her talk, you haven't even noticed how long you two have been here._

As if in response, his clock beeped quietly, signaling a new hour of the night. 3:00am.

"We could tackle everything from-"

"Zoe, it's three in the morning." Kayn said, interrupting her.

"So?"

"It's late and you should go to bed."

Zoe pouted at Kayn, crossing her arms in defiance.

"I don't have to do anything," she said.

"Zoe. Out. Now."

"Fineeee... whatever," she said, moving gloomily toward the door. "It's not like I sleep anyways, you know."

"Why?" Kayn asked suddenly, causing Zoe to turn around and stare at him, confused.

"Why what?"

"Why don't you sleep?"

She fidgeted with her skirt, uncharacteristically uncomfortable, a frown dragging her usual smile down, causing an ache in Kayn's chest.

"I dunno... I've just had bad dreams since I was a kid," she said quietly. A forced smile appeared on her lips. "It's okay though, it gives me more time to get stuff done."

Kayn looked down as Zoe stood before the door.

"See you tomorrow!" She said, reaching for the door handle.

"Would it help if I slept with you?" The words were out of Kayn's mouth before he realized what he was saying and immediately cursed his lips for saying anything along those lines. "Uh, nevermind you probably-"

"Yeah... that'd actually be nice," Zoe responded, smiling at him shyly.

Kayn was immediately uncomfortable in his own room, wondering what he was thinking, where she was going to sleep, if they were supposed to share the small college bed, what this meant for their relationship. A thousand thoughts were racing through his mind as he stumbled over what he was going to say.

"Uh, well, um, you can, uh, just get in bed then and I'll just, um, be there in a second," he panicked, staring at Zoe as she bounced to the bed, all previous uncertainties forgotten. Shaking his head at the entire situation, Kayn made his way to the small restroom connected to the dorm room.

 _This is... unexpected_ , Rhaast said, earning a forced chuckle from Kayn.

"What the fuck was I thinking?"

_You weren't._

"Obviously."

_Your heart was the one thinking._

"No, no, no. We are not going there again. I do not, nor will ever have those kinds of feelings for Zoe, okay you little bastard?"

Rhaast simply laughed and faded away from Kayn's mind. He grumbled to himself as he got ready for bed, brushing his teeth as slow as he could to avoid the situation waiting for him in the bedroom.

\---

Zoe had been listening quietly to the one-sided conversation from the other side of the door and returned to the bed confused, but hurt.

I do not, nor will ever have those kinds of feelings for Zoe.

The words echoed in her mind, and though she didn't fully understand why, they caused a pang of sadness in her stomach. She turned over onto her side, hoping it would go away like a cramp, but it lingered despite the comfort of Kayn's soft sheets.

The click of the bathroom door opening and closing alerted her to his reappearance in the room and she lifted her head to look at him, throwing a bright smile his way, undeterred by the pained expression on his face.

"Come on, there's room for you!" She said, patting the space next to her. In all honesty, there wasn't much room at all, but Kayn hesitantly compiled and lifted himself onto the bed, dipping under the covers in one swift motion and settling himself onto the mattress. Because of its small size, they were pressed together, Kayn facing the rest of the room while Zoe snuggled against his back, making herself comfortable against his large form. After a few minutes passed, he began to relax despite being hyper aware of Zoe breathing against his neck. In a way, it was calming, having her steadily warm body against his, and his mind wandered into thoughts of how much warmer it would be if their skin was against each other's...  

All of a sudden, he realized what he was thinking and quickly suppressed the thought, determined to categorize this night as nothing more than a friendly offer which would never happen again.

Satisfied with his self-affirmation, Kayn drifted off to sleep convinced that this would be the last time a nightmare-prone Zoe would be snoring softly against his back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some good old uhhh angst

Zoe woke up with a headache and groaned as she flipped onto her stomach, squinting her eyes against the light streaming through her bedroom window. No, wait, not  _ her  _ bedroom window. Her eyes took in her surroundings, faintly recognizing the scene from last night, complete with her survey notes strewn across the floor. All of a sudden, she realized where she was and bolted upright, all fatigue forgotten. Kayn was nowhere in sight, but she noticed his bag laying against the desk. 

With a sigh, she laid back down on the bed and closed her eyes, figuring he’d be back soon enough- maybe with breakfast if she was lucky. 

\---

 

Kayn was sprawled on the ground in an ally between the dorms, fists white as he pounded the concrete with bloodied knuckles.

_ Just give in,  _ Rhaast cooed in his ear. Kayn grimaced, attempting to ignore the voice and focus on the blood stained ground. He could feel Rhaast’s presence growing stronger. 

_ Why are you fighting this so hard? You enjoy the rush of power just as much as me. Could it be… Zoe that’s making you fight so hard?  _

Kayn slammed his fist down, biting his lip to stop himself from screaming in pain. 

_ I’ll show you what caring gets you,  _ Rhaast hissed and Kayn slumped to the ground, his vision fading to black.

 

\---

 

Zoe was swinging her legs as she sat on the bed, scribbling in her notebook, when she heard the door open. Smiling, she looked up from her work to see Kayn in the doorway, a wicked smile stretched across his face. Smile fading, she looked at him with concern. 

“Kayn?” She questioned softly.

_ “Hello Zoe,”  _ a foreign voice replied.

 

\---

 

Kayn groaned and opened his eyes, head pounding as he threw the covers off his sweaty body.

_ Good morning, sleeping beauty. _

__ Kayn jumped out of bed, narrowed eyes bouncing around the room as he let out a low growl, clenching his fists as he searched the room for any sign of Zoe. His eyes caught on a paper crumpled underneath his desk, and he opened it to see some of Zoe’s doodles of them together, crudely scribbled through with red marker.  _ Fuck you _ , was written at the top of the paper. 

“What. Did. You. Do,” he said through gritted teeth. 

_ Don’t worry about it. Now, it’s just you and me,  _ Rhaast replied with a smile.

Running out of the room, the only thought on Kayn’s mind was finding Zoe.

\---

 

Zoe was curled up underneath her comforter, eyes red and throat scratching as she choked out a sob. Kayn’s words rang in her mind.

_ You’re a freak, no wonder you have any friends.  _

__ _ You only act happy so that no one sees how broken and worthless you really are. _

__ _ And you thought that I actually liked you? When did I ever even ask you to hang out with me? I didn't. You just kept following me around like a pathetic puppy looking for attention and I’m sick of it. Go be a burden on someone else who actually cares if you live or die. _

__ She drew the sheets up towards her face, letting her tears soak into the fabric.

“I can’t believe I was so stupid,” she mumbled into her pillow, clutching it tightly in her arms. “I thought because we were both alone, he was lonely like me. Stupid, stupid, stupid!” She yelled, punching her pillow weakly with small fists. 

“Stupid…” she muttered softly.

There was a frantic knock at her door. She groaned and drew her pillow up to cover her head, unwilling to deal with other people.

“Go away!” she yelled weakly. The knocking continued, louder. With a sigh, Zoe dragged her feet out from under her covers and set them down on the floor. She yawned and rubbed her eyes, but as soon as she opened the door, she swung it shut again. 

A hand shot through to stop it from slamming shut. “Zoe, wait.,” Kayn said. Zoe looked away and crossed her arms.

“Go away,” she said softly.

“Can I come in?”

“No.”

“Can you come out?”

“No.”

“Give me a chance to explain… please?”

She huffed and stepped aside as he opened the door slowly, as if she was a feral animal that could attack at any moment. She trudged back to her bed and swung up onto it, settling cross-legged on her comforter.

“Well?” She demanded.

“Huh?” Kayn looked up from inspecting the contents of her desk and blinked.

She sighed. “You said you were going to explain?”

Kayn knitted his fingers together, all courage and determination faded, leaving him unsure and uncomfortable in the foreign space.

“Well, uh, I’m sorry,” Kayn started, stumbling for the right words.

Zoe snorted. 

“I, uh, honestly have no idea what happened, so it would help if you explained a bit of what he, uh,  _ I,  _ did,” Kayn said, and Zoe looked at him in confusion. 

“What do you mean, you don’t remember?”

Kayn sighed. “I have something of a personality disorder, which usually isn’t a problem unless I… lose focus. When I do, it’s bad… Rhaast… he’s not someone I ever wanted you to meet.”

Zoe’s gaze had softened and she stepped towards him, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him tight against her. He stared down at her, unsure what to do, but settled on hugging her in return. 

“It’s okay. I understand,” she said as she looked up at him, tears in her eyes. Kayn put his hands on her shoulder and nodded.

“Good. I refuse involve you in my own troubles, as they are mine alone,” Kayn said as he left the room. “Do not visit me again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dun dun dunnnnnnnnnnnn..........
> 
> (I'm sorry)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kayn is sad and misses zoe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> theres a lil bit of like,, nsfw at the very beginning so if that makes you uncomfy just skip to "Kayn's eyes snapped open..."
> 
> this is a short chapter but i felt like it kinda deserved its own lil spot

Zoe pressed against him, her sickeningly sweet perfume filling his nose, making his head spin. The bed creaked underneath them as Zoe leaned forward and nuzzled her face into Kayn’s neck. He growled as she traced her fingers down his chest to the waistband of his pants, hooking a finger under them. He raised his hips to meet her touch.

“Tsk tsk, so impatient,” she chastised him and he responded in one fluid motion, flipping her underneath him and lowering his face to hers. 

“No more playing around,” he demanded and Zoe giggled, wrapping her hands around his neck. 

“Okay then,  _ Shieda Kayn _ … let’s get serious,” she whispered.

 

Kayn’s eyes snapped open and he groaned. There was an uncomfortable heat between his legs and his matress was soaked in sweat. Flipping over onto his belly, he buried his face in his pillow. 

_ Well that was some dream you had,  _ Rhaast teased. Kayn grimaced.

“I told you I don’t want to talk,” he said. 

_ It’s not really your place to tell me what to do, is it Kayn? _

Kayn growled and sat up in bed, surveying his room. It had been a month since he told Zoe to leave him alone, and for once in her life, she had listened. He scratched his head and yawned, trying to clear the morning fog from his mind. He hated to admit it, but he kind of missed the little devil, but then… there were the dreams. They came almost every night, torturing him with images of her and the feeling of someone pressed against him, something he hadn’t been able to have in a very long time. But the fact that is was Zoe made him feel… almost guilty. He sighed and rubbed his eyes, swinging his legs over the edge of his bed and dropping down to the floor. 

_ Sooo, what’s the plan big man?,  _ Rhaast asked.  _ Are we going to sit in here all day again avoiding the world or are you finally going to get off your self-pitying ass and get out of this pig sty?  _

Kayn ignored him and walked to the bathroom, stepping over clothes as he went. His normally spotless room had descended into chaos, things scattered about and clothes and food wrappers covering the soda-stained carpet. He had to admit, it wasn’t a great look. 

_ I’ll take that as a “I plan to sit in my own filth for yet another day.” _

“What else am I supposed to do?” Kayn spat.

_ Oh, I don’t know, maybe go find the girl,  _ Rhaast said.

“Yeah, because you  _ certainly  _ made that a good idea last time, or have you forgotten your little temper tantrum?” 

Rhaast didn’t reply and Kayn snorted, wrapping his hair into a massive bun and looking at himself in the mirror. Dark circles lined his eyes and his hair was greasy where it sat atop his head. He had to admit that it was not his finest hour. 

There was a knock at the door. Kayn ignored it and splashed some water onto his face. The knock came again. 

“Kayn… I know you’re in there.”

Kayn jumped, running out of the bathroom and to the door before he knew what he was doing. Before him stood an extremely disheveled Zoe, her eyes red and puffy and tears streaming down her face. 

“I-I’m sorry, I know you said you didn’t want to see me again, b-but I really missed you and I wanted to see how you were doing,” she hiccuped. “I know it’s selfish a-and I’m so sorry Kayn, I just-”

Kayn wrapped his arms around her, cutting off her rambling. 

“It’s ok, Zoe. It’s ok.”

She began to cry in earnest now, soaking his t-shirt with her tears and his heart ached.

“This is all my fault. I should be the one apologizing,” Kayn mumbled. She pushed him away and Kayn widened his eyes in surprise at her angry red face. 

“No! No, you  _ dummy _ ! Don’t you dare apologize,” she said, pointing a shaking finger at him. Kayn was at a loss for words confronted with Zoe’s sudden anger. Before he knew it, he was laughing. 

“W-what! I’m serious!” She said, offended. “Don’t laugh at me!”

“I-I’m sorry, but oh my god, your face.”

Zoe pouted and crossed her arms, but she was no longer crying and Kayn smiled. 

“Do you want to come inside?” He asked. Zoe’s eyes lit up and she bounced on her toes in excitement, pushing past him and into the room. 

“It looks like shit in here,” she stated from behind him and Kayn rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t help a slight smile from playing on his lips. 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they're on good terms now,,  
> a real fluff and happy chapter to apologize for the sad  
> its pretty short and i apologize for that, but there will be a lot more coming soon :)

“So, cats or dogs?”

“Cats,” Kayn replied quickly. Zoe cocked her head and narrowed her eyes, placing a finger against her chin.

“I thought for sure you would be a dog person.”

“Cats are independent and don’t beg for attention like dogs do. They’re respectable,” Kayn concluded. Zoe snorted and covered her smile.

They were playing 20 questions- Zoe’s idea, of course- and Kayn felt like he was back in middle school except for once, involved in the game instead of watching it bored from the sidelines. Despite it seeming like a waste of time at first, Zoe was an interesting person to learn about and he’d caught himself smiling on quite a few occasions.

“What about you?” Kayn asked. Zoe rolled her eyes.

“ _ Kaaaayn _ , you need to ask a new question, not reuse mine.”

“Yeah, yeah, this isn’t my question, I just uh… want to know,” Kayn fumbled and Zoe grinned in response, then took a moment to ponder the question. Her shifting expression settled on a pout.

“I can’t choose.”

“Oh, come on. Cats or dogs, pick one.”

“I can’t! Dogs are so playful and loyal and cute, but then cats are adorable and fluffy and  _ eeeee _ !” Zoe squealed and turned her wide and sparkling eyes to Kayn. He sighed at the excitable girl and shook his head in exasperation.

“You’re ridiculous,” He said. 

“You just don’t appreciate how unique I am.”

“You’re what they call  _ special _ , Zoe,” Kayn teased and Zoe crossed her arms in mock anger.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Just that you mean the world to me.”

Silence fell over the room. Kayn’s jaw fell open in shock, realizing what he had said. His mouth was dry and he felt sweat accumulating on his palms. Zoe was staring at him, a blank expression on her face leaving him unable to determine what her reaction to his statement would be.

_ Smoooooth,  _ Rhaast butted in sarcastically.

A slow smile spread across Zoe’s lips and her cheeks reddened.

“Yeah, I-I, I feel the same,” she replied, looking down at the floor and fiddling with her hair. Now it was Kayn’s turn to be flustered. Blood rushed to his face as he stared at Zoe and spluttered in confusion.

“W-wha?”

Zoe squeaked and waved her hands frantically in front of her face, her face growing even more dangerously red.

“Nothing! Forget about it! Me? I didn’t say anything! Wow! Look at the time, I think I should get going. Thanks for a great time, uh, for entertaining me, u-uh for having me over! Yeah! I’ll see you later, bye!” Zoe rushed out of the room, forgetting her star guardian jacket on Kayn’s chair.

“Zoe, your j-” Kayn stopped as the door slammed behind her and sighed, resting his head in his hands. What was that about? Could it be that…. no, no. Not after everything he had done to her. 

Kayn turned his attention away from the door and walked to his desk, letting his hand rest on Zoe’s jacket before chastising himself. He’d gotten too attached to her and let his guard down when he needed it the most. Now, he’d hurt her again because, if there was one thing he knew for sure, it was that no one could ever really love Shieda Kayn.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it's been so long!!   
> and sorry if this chapter is a little out of character, I got kinda into it..,,  
> but enjoy! more coming soon <3

“Zoe!” Kayn called out, jogging to catch up with the short girl, easily recognized by her long colorful hair that drifted behind her as she walked. She jumped and turned around at the sound of her name, and her eyes widened when she realized it was Kayn.

“Where have you been?” He asked, hooking a finger under the strap of his heavy backpack. It had been a week since Zoe came over to his room and he hadn’t seen her since, despite wandering her favorite places after classes. 

“O-oh! Just busy with a, uh, group project! Yeah! For biology! Super stressful,” She laughed nervously and twisted her hair in her fingers, glancing around the hall as if looking for a way out. All of a sudden, she giggled and threw her hands up in the air. “Oh man! I almost forgot I’m late to a meeting, for that project, for history, that I just talked about.”

“I thought it was biology?”

“Right! Biology! I can be so silly sometimes, haha,” she said quickly and turned around, walking quickly in the other direction. 

“Oh ok, well good luck,” Kayn replied, but she was too far away to hear him. He watched her disappear around the corner, her colorful hair snaking behind her as she went.

_ She’s avoiding you,  _ Rhaast commented. Kayn sighed and nodded, reaching a hand behind his back to untie his braid. 

“As if that isn’t painfully obvious already, thanks,” he said, attempting to sound sarcastic, but instead just sounding defeated. Casting a final glance at the science wing, he turned around to head back to his dorm, not at all in the mood for class anymore. 

_ You probably creeped her with the whole “Ooooh! Zoeee! You’re my world!” thing,  _ Rhaast commented mockingly as Kayn scowled, well aware of the slip-up. He didn’t even know how he really felt about Zoe… I mean, yeah, she was a great friend, the only one he ever really had, but anything more than that…

“I don’t even know where to begin,” he groaned. Flashes of memories with the colorful girl shot through his mind: evening study sessions, pizza nights, truth or dare in the common room. Kayn pushed the thoughts of doubt and anxiety out of his mind and focused on what mattered: Zoe. The one person who accepted him no matter what, who has always stood by his side, and who he could count on for anything. There was no way he was letting that go. With a surge of determination, he spun around and ran in the direction Zoe disappeared, ignoring Rhaast’s protests.

* * *

“Where could she be? Where could she  _ be? _ ” Kayn muttered under his breath frantically, his hands on his knees, out of breath from running across campus, searching every place Zoe was known to relax, but it had been fruitless. No matter where he looked, there was no sign of her. It was as if she was hiding… hiding… 

Kayn shot up and sprinted towards the dorms, towards the very place he had apologized to her only a short time before.

* * *

 

     “Zoe…” Kayn knocked softly on the door.

     “It’s open,” a soft voice came from the other side. Kayn gulped and pushed open the door carefully and stepped inside the dark room, giving his eyes a few seconds to adjust. He scanned the room in confusion, seeing no sign of Zoe until he noticed a lump on the corner of her messy bed. Two eyes sparkling with tears peered out from a mountain of blankets. He moved towards her slowly, unsure how to confront her or figure out what he should say.

     “Why are you crying?”

     A small sniffle and a glance away from him was the only answer. Kayn sighed and moved to the bed, choosing to sit on the edge instead of standing over her. Zoe’s eyes widened and snapped back to him before she cast them down towards the ground again.

     “Why are you here?” She said quietly, her voice trembling.

     “I… I don’t know,” Kayn said, fidgeting. He really should have planned something to say instead of just running around. He scolded himself silently. It was unlike him not to have a plan. 

     “Yeah. That’s always the problem, isn’t it? You’re just too dumb to realize it.”

     Kayn’s eyes widened and his mouth froze in a small O, “What?”

     Suddenly, there was a pillow in his face.

     “Just leave me alone,” Zoe said. Kayn grimaced and began to stand, but something made him sit back down and look Zoe fiercy in the eyes.

     “No,” he said. Zoe looked at him, surprised, and pouted. “I’m not leaving you. Not now, not ever. Zoe… you… you mean everything to me. No one has ever cared about me, but you, you care about everything you see with everything you have. Even when I feel like there’s nothing good on this god forsaken planet, you point out the dumbest thing with that spark in your eye and make me feel lucky to be here with you. I don’t know what’s bothering you and I don’t know why you’ve been avoiding me because I’m not good at figuring that stuff out unless you just tell me. So please, Zoe, talk to me?”

     Kayn looked up at Zoe and was surprised to see a soft smile playing on her lips and tears streaming down her round cheeks. 

     “D-did I say something wrong?” He worried and moved closer, reaching out a hand to try and wipe away her tears. Zoe shook her head fondly and intercepted his hand with her own, meeting his gaze with bright eyes. 

     “I love you, Shieda Kayn.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for being so patient with me! i finally had time to sit down and finish this up
> 
> hope you enjoyed! if you have any other suggestions for more kayn x zoe AUs  
> ps. if i get 200 kudos i might post a bonus chapter of some spice ;))

      Kayn walked back to his dorm shell shocked. After Zoe had confessed to him, he had stood there like an idiot just staring at her for what must have been an hour. It felt stupid now and his face flushed with embarrassment at his reaction.

 _Could have handled it a bit better,_ Rhaast commented, cutting between his thoughts.

      Kayn sighed. At least he had managed to say that he needed time to think before he had sprinted out of her room like a frightened rabbit. He fumbled with his key and inserted it into the lock. He’d forgotten how messy his room was and scrunched his nose up at the unsavory sight. Thoughts humming in his mind, he got to work putting away the piles of clothes and junk around the room. He came across Zoe’s jacket, still resting by his desk table. She always managed to leave it here when she stopped by. A smile played on Kayn’s lips and then faltered.

      Zoe loved him. He should be happy, but why was there some dark feeling curdling in the center of his chest threatening to overwhelm him with every emotion he’d ever encountered. He was terrified. Groaning, he threw an old t-shirt into the closet and flopped down onto the floor, leaning up against his unmade bed. What should he do?

      A part of him wanted to give her the positive response he knew she deserved, tell her than he loved her and hold her close and never let her go, but another part cowered at the idea. He’d never been in any sort of relationship before. He’d been an orphan all his life, and only had one childhood friend, Zed, a long time ago. Zoe was something else, something that he’d never had the chance to have before. Warmth filled his heart at the thought.

_Do you love her?_

      “I do.”

_Then why are your thoughts so muddled?_

      A million images flashed through Kayn’s mind, thousands of ‘what-ifs,’ everything that could go wrong, everything he could do that could hurt her, everything that would leave him alone again… Kayn’s chest tightened. He should be happy. Over everything, he should be _happy._ He curled his fists in his lap as tears pricked the corners of his eyes.

      “No,” he growled.

      Pathetic. To be crying, now, over a girl. He chuckled shakily. What had he become?

 _Soft,_ Rhaast rumbled in his ear. Kayn snorted in response.

      There was a knock at the door.

      “Kayn?” A muffled voice came from the other side. Kayn rose to his feet with a sigh and opened the door. Zoe was standing on the other side, looking down, her hands laced in front of her.

      “I, um, wanted to say that I’m sorry,” she mumbled, barely audible. “I-I love being your friend and I’m happy being just that. I know that when you said all that… you were just being nice and I-”

      Kayn leaned forward quickly, crashing his lips into Zoe’s. It was a quick kiss, but butterflies bloomed in his stomach at the contact and when he pulled back, he almost forgot to breathe. Zoe was staring at him with wide eyes, her lips still slightly parted.

      “I love you too.”

      Kayn pulled her against him as a smile began to spread across her lips and light tears begun to pool in her bright eyes. She was perfect, she was everything, and he would never let her go.


End file.
